When I was young, I was exercising frequently, well I was forced to do so at the beginning. I didn’t understand that this is really important, especially, that my body puts on weight really easily. I was considered one of the tallest kids in my class, so, my parents as did I, saw basketball as a good candidate :). I played basketball from the age of 7 till the age of 15~16. I honestly didn’t like basketball, at least at the beginning but near the end, especially the last 2 years I started enjoying it :). However, one day I got into a fight with my basketball coach and I stopped playing since then. At the same time I started to teach myself how to play table tennis (ping pong). I started to play with my father on our dining table in my home :D. The net was made out video tapes :D. And I was practicing it everyday in my school with my friends.
I didn’t start practicing table tennis in our sports club right away, I played normal tennis for maybe 2 months then I switched to table tennis. The reason for doing so is that my parents wanted me to play a sport with enough cardio effort in it :). I was really good in table tennis, actually, I was the best in the club at that time: I beat everyone in my age, older and even the seniors :D The only person who I couldn’t beat was my coach :D
Life was so good till that moment, I was 110 kgs (Chubby kid at 190 cm), everything is still under control. Then, I had to stop practicing all sports and activities for 2 years due to the secondary exams. Those exams basically define your whole future and they need lots of effort so that you can secure enrollment in a good university at the end. At the end of the first year I was 120 kgs. The damage didn’t end here :/, I was diagnosed with a pilonidal cyst at the tail bone. The number one reason that caused it is obesity, basically, the existence of fat near the tail bone which enriches the development of bacteria. So, now, I am in pain, I can’t do the surgery at that time due to the recovery time needed for it while I am preparing for the exams. At the end of the second year I weighed 137 kgs. I maintained this weight for maybe 2 more years. I tried to go back and play table tennis again, but I couldn’t and I was really bad :/
After doing the surgery, I had a rough time. I was getting infection near the surgery area and with the smallest amount of movement the wound get teared open again, even after losing weight now, my surgery wound is really vulnerable. So that limited my movement more, I started to put more weight and more weight till I reach my maximum at 162.5 kgs.
My back hurts due to surgery and its complications, I was always under the threat to redo the surgery if the area got infected. I did hurt my right knee, and till now it clicks, I had almost 90% of the time headaches due to high blood pressure. I discovered at the end by mistake that I almost lost my right eye sight due to intracranial hypertension (extra brain pressure) which happened due to the extra weight.
Maybe I was healthy, sporty and a bit chubby but I was a kid who doesn’t have any problems with his life. Now, I am running out of breath easily, I couldn’t talk while walking, I was sweating a lot, can’t go out with friends because my back hurts, my knee hurts, migraines, always sick or afraid of being sick... :/
I felt like I was held as a hostage inside my body. I hated myself. My confidence became super low. I didn’t want to know new people because I don’t want them to know this version of me… :/
This wasn’t me… :/ The worst thing is, I went from school to university as a morbidly obese person. People treats you as if you were always obese. I hate stereotyping…
I always knew that one day I am going back to my older self, maybe even better. I started to put restriction on myself so that I don’t forget that this is not me. For example, I never bought for myself any clothes unless the old ones are torn, I never changed my profile picture since 2012. I hated being in photos, I didn’t go out alot with my friends or family. You may think, well that’s stupid, I saw that by buying clothes, changing my profile picture, being in photos or going out counts as an acknowledgement of my current status or as a celebration or a gesture of happiness of myself. I didn’t want to help myself in accepting my current status. I am not gonna stay like that forever, I don’t want to have memories in that shape, I don’t wanna make peace with myself. This is only temporary...
I knew that I will start losing weight one day and when I do, it will be in my terms with my rules at the time that fits me. Not because I have to listen to my parents or to my friends or to my doctors. I am doing it for my own sake..
The first step to weight loss is to acknowledge that you have a problem. That you need to do something by Yourself to save Yourself. Maybe, putting some restrictions will help in keeping reminding yourself that this is not you, this is not what you wanted to be remembered as… In my case I knew that I was in a problem since the beginning. Putting restrictions on myself was a way to remind myself that you are waiting for the right moment where you will take the decision of losing weight and be committed to it till the end...
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